Getting a divorce is a significant and life-changing event that not only impacts the couple involved but also their children (if they have any). Delivering the news about the divorce to your children, especially if they are younger, can be incredibly daunting. The way in which you approach this conversation can have a significant impact on their emotional well-being and mental health. Therefore, it is important that you handle the discussion with care and sensitivity, prioritizing the needs of your children. To make the thought of tackling this tough conversation a little less intimidating, here are some important tips that you can implement to ensure an effective delivery.
Plan the Conversation Together
Before you sit with your children to discuss this important life change, you should coordinate and communicate with your spouse regarding how you plan to approach the conversation and say. Ideally, both parents should make an effort to be present for the conversation. Planning this conversation together ahead of time allows you and your spouse to agree on the key points that should be shared and avoid sending mixed messages or blaming each other.
Be Honest
Regardless of what age your children are, it is important that you remain honest about the divorce and why you have decided to part ways in the relationship. While choosing to sugarcoat the situation or lie about it may temporarily ease the burden, the reality is that the truth will likely eventually come to light in the future. Of course, you do not need to get into every personal detail about the divorce but it is important that you remain as open and honest as you can.
Have An Open Dialogue
When talking to your children about your divorce it is important to maintain an open dialogue about the topic. More likely than not, your children will have questions regarding the divorce and how it will affect their daily lives moving forward. Give your children the opportunity to ask these questions and assure them that they can always come to you with any concerns. If they ask about legal matters, such as where they will live or how often they will get to see each parent, you can assure them that these important decisions are being made with their best interests in mind and with input from both you and your family law lawyer.
Validate Their Emotions and Feelings
Both while delivering the news and after, your children will likely experience a wide range of emotions, including anger, fear, anxiety, sadness, or confusion. It is important that you do not dismiss or invalidate their feelings and instead acknowledge them, letting your children know that they are not alone and that these feelings are normal. Additionally, avoid offering blanket reassurances such as, “Everything will be fine.” Throughout the process, make sure that your children feel loved, heard, understood, and supported.
Consider The Timing and Setting
The timing is also essential when it comes to having this difficult conversation with your children. Ideally, you will want to avoid delivering the news during a particularly stressful or busy time and keep in mind any upcoming significant events that this news may overshadow or ruin. Just as important is the setting – you will want to choose a quiet and private setting in which your children feel comfortable and safe.